To Be Announced 2010-01-30T14:28:35Z tag:www.tdsle.com,2011:/blog/marksu//2 Movable Type Copyright (c) 2010, touchfish faith 2010-01-30T14:28:35Z 2010-01-30T06:28:35-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2010:/blog/marksu//2.793 2010-01-30T14:28:35Z I lack faith. And by faith, I do not mean the religions and the trust in god(s). No, despite I'm almost atheist, I reserve that there might be a chance that a higher power above us might exist. In fact,... touchfish 內心掙扎 I lack faith.

And by faith, I do not mean the religions and the trust in god(s).
No, despite I'm almost atheist,
I reserve that there might be a chance that a higher power above us might exist.
In fact, I have reserved spaces in my mind for almost all situations and possibilities of the unkown that I can think of,
and I'm mentally prepared that there might be things that I didn't think of.

]]> When I said I lack faith, I meant I lack a believe in a type of constant for the unknown future.
The type of believe that's more about the heart than the brain.

I fear to be unprepared, and to be caught surpsied.
So I mentally prepare myself to face any type of possibilities.
In this process, though I can guess the probability of what may occur,
I lack the believe that something will definitely happen.

I don't believe the sky will garanteed to always be blue.
I don't believe there will definitely be this one day, that I'll find a girl and share my life with her.
I don't believe that I will for sure perform better in the next interview when compare with my previous one.
When I look for jobs, I do not think to myself, "hey, the next one will be it, oh and it's gonna be agood one!",
because I know that the overwhelming odds this will most likely not to happen.

I can be calculative, and/or I can be intellegent, but somehow thru the process of growing up,
I've lost the believe that something good and constant will definitely happen.
With that, my mind thrived, but my heart withered.
With that, I've lost my beacon of light to show me the way,
and now I walk in the dark and not sure where I am.

And that my dear interviewer is my current weakness.
I lack faith; hence, i am missing a dream or a purpose; therefore, I do not have a goal, even the short term ones,
because I do not know which direction I'm facing right now, and where the paths may be leading me toward.

]]> 追求 2009-10-10T09:16:19Z 2009-10-10T02:16:19-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.791 2009-10-10T09:16:19Z 在噗浪上有人問過我: "mark, 你在追求什麼" 那時候我的回答是: "a good laugh" 今晚...昨晚(現在是凌晨兩點)稍微又想了一下, 一直到現在我還是沒想到更好的答案.... touchfish 閉目沉思 在噗浪上有人問過我: "mark, 你在追求什麼"

那時候我的回答是: "a good laugh"

今晚...昨晚(現在是凌晨兩點)稍微又想了一下,
一直到現在我還是沒想到更好的答案.

]]> 今天...昨天(日跟日的分割點實在有點機...)事實上過的有點嘔氣,
不過我已經跟兩個人在msn上發過牢騷了,
基於沒有必要留下不美好的回憶的原則,
在這就不多說了.

從青年開始, 我一直稟著不甘於平凡的心態,
最求的東西常常是一些莫名奇妙, 稀奇古怪, 還有一些旁門的東西.
不過通常也只有幾分鐘的熱度,
到最後變成知道不少東西, 可是通常也都只是粗略地知道,
或是變成因為知道得不深, 隨著年復一年的日子就漸漸的忘了.
以前的我也因為喜歡追求旁人沒觀察到的細節,
而養成了愛做了很多跳躍式的聯想的怪習慣.
我哥曾經一度跟我提起說,
他覺得他自己可以在多年沒有注釋的情況理解我是很神奇的事.
我自己也覺得在高中的最後幾年和大學可以遇到很多可以理解我的人還滿神奇的.

不知不覺, 大學畢業, 出社會...
很多想法都被磨掉了, 天馬行空的空想再在怎麼也不會比麵包重要.
到現在, 有時我都還會覺得有一部分的那個我已經消失了,
而且是很難, 或者是根本就追不回來的消失.
這算是心的老化嗎? 還是這是被社會的同化? 還是是成熟的証明?
我曾經試著去追求那個好像消失的我, 但是感受到的無力感讓人很想放棄.

現在的我, 只想追求每天能發自內心的笑一次...

*笑*
*努力笑*
*用力笑*

]]> Do we really love ourselves? 2009-06-26T08:09:31Z 2009-06-26T01:09:31-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.786 2009-06-26T08:09:31Z We know exercise is good for us, yet most of us choose to sit on the couch. We know that we should be out there, living life to its full potential, yet lot of us still choose to sit at... touchfish 閉目沉思 We know exercise is good for us, yet most of us choose to sit on the couch.
We know that we should be out there, living life to its full potential,
yet lot of us still choose to sit at home, watch and read other people living their lives to the full potential.

]]> When we are single and young, most of us don't work hard and true and go the extra miles at our job.
It is only when we have family and kids, that we love them and want to give them the best life possible that we go the extra mile for the maximum amount of money.

When we are in school, how many of us study for gaining knowledge for our own sake? Rather, most of us study because it is expected of us by our parents and because we love our parents and we don't want to disappoint them.

I usually consider self-centre as part of my personality.
I interpret it as placing yourself before others on the priority list,
in another word, selfish.
But when my motivation to move myself forward are mainly depended by other people's expectation,
and when I am all alone, I am more incline to stay put at my current place;
am I really on top of my own priority list?

So, while I don't know if we love ourselves or not,
do I really love myself?

]]> 人真的不能太閒 2009-06-23T09:12:55Z 2009-06-23T02:12:55-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.785 2009-06-23T09:12:55Z 人真的不能太閒啊 時間一多, 就會想東想西.... touchfish 閉目沉思 人真的不能太閒啊

時間一多, 就會想東想西.

]]> 甚至把已經用很簡單明瞭解決的問題,
重新去假想那個似乎會更好的解決方式.
沒意義,不可能改變的東西應該讓它去,
在這方面如此的牽扯掙扎, 百害而無一利,
只會讓事後的自己更厭惡自己的思緒.
對於自己的意志沒有絕對的控制權讓人感到很灰心啊...

我不是非得凡事都得順著我的心思才會滿足的人,
相反的我很能接受那些突然發生, 那些無法改變的人事物.
或許擁有太能接受的能力,
所帶來的是相對的制式化地低估自己能改變這世界的能力
或許我渴望的是那隨著"哇無甲意輸ㄟ感覺"心思而動如鋼鐵般的意志力吧!

]]> The Monthly Journal(June) 2009-06-18T23:17:42Z 2009-06-18T16:17:42-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.784 2009-06-18T23:17:42Z 好久沒用中文寫網誌了(盡量減少英文試看看). -------------------------------------------------... touchfish 悠閒生活 好久沒用中文寫網誌了(盡量減少英文試看看).

-------------------------------------------------

]]> 找工作方面, 沒什麼太大的進展,
不過其實我還可以更努力, 認真, 所以也沒什麼好抱怨的,
(我居然找不到怎麼打頓號, 用逗號代替好怪 |-Orz)
畢竟我距離自己計畫中的數量還有一大段距離.
欠自己債欠太多了...
不過就以心境上來說, 信心仍在.

-------------------------------------------------

六月應該要是很刺激的,
Elisa 來訪, TWFF 六部電影, Henry 來訪, LE Summer Trip...等等.
不過到現在為止還是沒有感覺到那令人振奮的脈動.

-------------------------------------------------

前兩天,
我媽居然打電話問我說如果我櫻櫻美代子的話,
要不要考慮去學開飛機.

能開飛機(或直昇機)到處亂飛當然很爽阿,
可是也太他...那個有錢的媽媽的貴了吧.
對於一個這麼昂貴的未知數興趣,
我心理面的對白除了"往後延", 也只有"往後延很多".

再給我多一點時間多存點錢阿.

-------------------------------------------------

溫哥華比我想像中的更孤獨阿;
可能是因為我現在沒工作, 空閒時間比較多的關係.

-------------------------------------------------

兩天前, 去UBC 打了一會羽毛球...
久沒運動, 果然肌肉酸痛. (嘿, 押韻~)
不過比較神奇的是, 我那千錘百鍊的前臂居然是痛最久的.
身為一個活在電腦時代的人,
前臂肌肉的結實程度和打字的多寡成正比;
這幾年來, 我打了"很多"字.
我個人筆電上的"N"跟"M"鍵上面的圖案已經消失了,
"A"鍵也快沒了, "S"跟左"Ctrl"鍵也被磨掉一半了.
不過雖然痛, 卻不影響繼續打字, 真是有夠詭異的肌肉.

不過我還是比較懷念游泳阿, 感覺比較有全面性地活動到

-------------------------------------------------

話說自從我最近自己煮飯變頻繁之後,
發現了一個很無言的結論...
"用鍋子加瓦斯爐煮稀飯比用電飯鍋煮飯來的簡單"
原因在於, 稀飯水夠多, 所以幾乎不可能會焦掉,
除非你瓦斯爐開火之後就放任它自生自滅, 自己跑去第九雲團了.
理論上電飯鍋也可以煮稀飯,
可是實際測試發現它撐不住如此多的水量,
所以水會不停的從排氣孔滾滾而出.

而且, 稀飯容易飽, 可以用來減肥阿.
不過, 古云: 稀飯吃多會軟腳 ....
我不要當軟腳蝦, 軟腳蝦, 軟腳蝦~~

軟腳蝦與胖子之間的掙扎.

-------------------------------------------------

去郵局接包裹以後多走了一個路口去吃牛肉麵,
吃完之後想買個水餃,小籠包回家,
他們居然說明天才有貨,
挖個無雷起笑明天又走兩段大路專程去買冷凍食品.
為了不讓我走了這麼多路白費,
我跑去VPL借了"Sunshine","Atonement", 跟一本National Geographic 回家.
"Sunshine" 是部嘗試探討科技與神的科幻片
"Atonement" 則是部有點悲傷的小女孩懺悔片

三天的租借期, 我星期五, 六又沒什麼空...
看來我明天還是要走一趟阿 T_T

]]> Happy birthday to Me 2009-05-21T08:16:22Z 2009-05-21T01:16:22-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.783 2009-05-21T08:16:22Z I like to tell myself that, I did prepare a gift for myself, but ...... touchfish 悠閒生活 I like to tell myself that,
I did prepare a gift for myself,
but ...

]]> shit happens, so it's not ready yet.

It'll get to me eventually~~
(this all sounds so familiar~)

Happy Birthday to Me!

]]> plan 2009-05-06T11:13:00Z 2009-05-06T04:13:00-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.781 2009-05-06T11:13:00Z I don't really have a solid plan. I talked to people as if I have everything under control, but I don't.... touchfish 悠閒生活 I don't really have a solid plan.
I talked to people as if I have everything under control, but I don't.

]]> There are things that I desire and want to achieve,
but these goals, they keep switching back and forth.
With limited life span, I have find that I cannot pursue them all.
I am left wondering how to prioritize this list.
Because I know as time past the priority that I have given them now may no longer apply,
I start predicting what the future me will be and continue to wonder.

The problem is if you keep projecting yourself into future and think about it, you may plan all you want,
but without action by the end of time, you'll still be left at the same place, not even one inch away from it.

All these being said, I think I have a plan to solve this,
it may not be solid, and may not even be under my control,
but I have a plan, and now all I need to do is execute this plan.

(It's coming ; ] )

]]> Awesomeness 2009-04-15T08:17:51Z 2009-04-15T01:17:51-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.780 2009-04-15T08:17:51Z The good news is I had awesomed my way through the past day han style*(solo),... touchfish 悠閒生活 The good news is I had awesomed my way through the past day han style*(solo),

]]> but the bad news is that under most people's standard, it wouldn't be counted as a productive day.

I had now, officially completely double check every discs, every episodes, and every bonus features on the 6 pieces of himym(How I met your mother) dvd
for the first two seasons that I've bought (on sale). And boy did Robin Sparkle and the Wheel of Fortune made me laugh.

So, it is no surprise that people can take for granted that it was a joyful time well spent.

Oh, and I've also watched a couple episode of the my new tv interest "Castle"**, starring Nathan Fillion, the dude that's in "Firefly",
another great show. Check out that show too if you have extra time(,but only after the full screening of HIMYM).


*So I am now unalbe to stop quoting HIMYM jokes, sue me.
**It's about a mystery novel writer helping the police solving murder cases after a copycat killed people the same way he wrote in his book.
(Yeah, another cop show where cop is paired up with unrelated profession.
But hey if people can love "numbers", I am allow to like this show, and acutally "numbers" is pretty good as far as I am concern.)

]]> Colour 2009-04-14T08:50:57Z 2009-04-14T01:50:57-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2009:/blog/marksu//2.779 2009-04-14T08:50:57Z You used to share the same colour, but you are fading now.... touchfish 閉目沉思 You used to share the same colour,
but you are fading now.

]]> I have the power to stop you from fading,
or to erase your colour completely,
but I have been hesitating.

I try to be strong and brave.
To be persistance or to give up both take courage,
but I do not know which path to take.

Now I just quietly stand at the corner and watch you fade.
I suppose instead of bravely take on a path and walk it,
what I do now is the weakest action, waiting.

All I do is wait for your colour to fade.
Waiting for your true colour.
Times like this, I wish I am less cautious.

]]> Reason 2008-11-04T03:05:22Z 2008-11-03T19:05:22-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2008:/blog/marksu//2.772 2008-11-04T03:05:22Z LE's i love blog event has once again started, and I have not registered to participate. why?... touchfish 內心掙扎 LE's i love blog event has once again started,
and I have not registered to participate.

why?

]]> It's not that I'm lazy.
(well, in many cases that would be the sole reason,
but not this time)

It's actually because I'm running out of time in my day to day life,
and something else right now is taking a higher priority.
(yes! higher priority than LE i love blog photography event)

As such I'm unwilling to burden myself further with responsibilities.

As to what that something else is?
Well, it's a secret that will only be unraveled in the future if I had succeeded.
If I have not, then may it be sunk to the bottem of the ocean~

Lately, I'm having difficulty to sustain any reasonable amount of passion toward my work, not to mention the initial drive and motivation.

The strong dislike of my current situation is an indication that some aspect of my life must be changed.
Sadly though, despite I know what I do not like, I do not yet know what I love to perform the change.

The path ahead doesn't look too bright at the moment, for I have to sustain my current life style for another four months.

My state of mind has resulted in the feeling of being single out among people around me,
but the truth is, i think, that my mind is singling them out, not the other way around.

Maybe I secretly desire to be along despite the loneliness that i'm feeling I guess.

This is why I kept failing to be a social person.

]]> Desktop 2008-10-11T15:52:57Z 2008-10-11T08:52:57-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2008:/blog/marksu//2.770 2008-10-11T15:52:57Z As per enol's request here it is, though a little late.... touchfish 悠閒生活 As per enol's request here it is, though a little late.

]]> 應為我習慣用休眠來取代關機,
所以我看到桌面的時間實在是不常

一般來說它都是我資料傳輸的中繼站而已,
理所當然的電腦重灌後桌布便從來沒換過

]]> 口水的逆襲 2008-09-12T11:41:15Z 2008-09-12T04:41:15-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2008:/blog/marksu//2.768 2008-09-12T11:41:15Z 自從敝人回台灣工作後, 自然而然的也入境隨俗的養成了睡午覺的好習慣. 這個睡午覺的習慣有多好勒?... touchfish 悠閒生活 自從敝人回台灣工作後,
自然而然的也入境隨俗的養成了睡午覺的好習慣.
<--明明就是自己貪睡, 而且還想著, 睡覺還有錢拿, 何樂而不為~

這個睡午覺的習慣有多好勒?

]]> 以敝人現在的生活習慣來看,
晚上3點睡, 早上9點起床,
一天6個小時, 加上午睡半小時.

以一天6.5個小時的睡眠我居然還沒崩潰,
由此可見午睡的功效了.


午睡, 當然是越快入眠越有功效,
區區半個小時, 如果花了20分鐘做睡前準備, 那睡屁阿.

辦公室的冷氣算強的, 那是沒話說.
我不要臉的功力還沒到拿著自己的熱臉, 去倒貼人家的冷桌面,
所以一般來說, 我會先把自己的外套舖再桌面.

這一切都是那麼的順利, 直到半年前...
有天, 午睡醒後,
杜丟貴(遇到鬼), 為什麼外套中間濕了一點?
靠腰, 嘴巴尿床~~@@

更可怕的是, 這漸漸的成為了種固定模式,
而且有越流越多的傾向

#@$(%*!~
自從上大學後, 一年365天睡覺的時間我也沒幾次會睡爽到流口水
(用一直手就算的出來)
真是為我自己的嘴巴內的口水分泌腺感到難為情啊

再經過敝人以超快的速度用腦袋分析了一下, 想出了兩種可能性.
1. 睡姿
躺著跟坐著的差異在於躺著頭部有枕頭墊高, 在地心引力的驅動下, 口水會先往喉嚨流
坐著的話, 一般常人應該也是墊高, 不過基於我的高度只能以半駝背方式趴著, 再加上外套沒有枕頭高, 所以地心引力在這種情況下反而害了我
2. 晚間睡眠不足
晚間的睡眠不足讓午睡能更快速的入睡, 不過也導致睡太熟現象出現,
加上剛用完午餐導致口水分泌現象一時之間無法停止
不過我需要我非工作的晚間休息時間所以睡眠不足去死吧~~
<--非常理直氣壯的宅在家裡打電玩, 看電視

既然沒有什麼修復方式, 那就... 算了...
外套常洗就好了(或者一直用那件, 然後回溫哥華前把他燒了... 為了節能減炭, 捐出去好了~~ 為社會著想的偉大情操~)

這個現象, 一直持續到...
今天~~
午睡醒來吸第一口氣的時候居然可以吸到液體!!??
心裡大喊不妙,
外套拿開後, 心中也只能暗嘆:
"果然, 居然滲透層層布料直達桌面了~"

迅速的用了張面紙湮滅證據之後
從口水所得到的結論:
以後還是乖乖的早點睡吧 @@
身體在抗議了~~

ps. 歌個這篇完全沒關係, 歌的那篇...我....忘記我要寫什麼了@@

]]> 鬼騎肩!? 2008-09-11T02:31:28Z 2008-09-10T19:31:28-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2008:/blog/marksu//2.766 2008-09-11T02:31:28Z 很多人都聽過這個鬼故事: (鬼故事警告)... touchfish 悠閒生活 很多人都聽過這個鬼故事:
(鬼故事警告)

]]> "有對夫婦吵架, 那丈夫在憤怒之餘把妻子給殺了.
不想被發現抓去關, 丈夫就在年幼的兒子放學回來之前, 把妻子的屍體處理掉了, 並且想好了一連串的理由跟兒子解釋媽媽去了那裡.
奇怪的是, 隨著一天天過去, 兒子絕口不提媽媽的事.
而那父親自己的肩膀不知未何, 越來越酸.

一個禮拜過去了,
父親終於按耐不住自己的好奇心,
問了兒子:'為什麼你都沒問我媽媽去了哪裡?'
兒子回說:'媽媽? 不是一直騎在你肩頭上嗎?
雖然我不太懂你們在玩什麼遊戲, 她還一直比噓, 叫我不要跟你說呢'"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

最近肩膀好酸阿, 難道我招惹了哪隻鬼, 我可沒殺人啊??
聽說金山街那邊本來就有些地是墳墓@@

還是因為我坐姿不良加上床難睡...
在家標準坐姿:
電腦
|
我---------------------電視

所以我的頭永遠在右前方45度角旋轉- -"

我要休息!!!(不爽中~~)

]]> 錢~~ 2008-08-04T01:58:15Z 2008-08-03T18:58:15-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2008:/blog/marksu//2.761 2008-08-04T01:58:15Z 忘記了口袋的破洞 光是到公司的路上就掉了2顆50元 真是個不美好的星期一早晨~~... touchfish 悠閒生活 忘記了口袋的破洞

光是到公司的路上就掉了2顆50元
真是個不美好的星期一早晨~~

]]> 新竹-風城 2008-06-12T12:46:38Z 2008-06-12T05:46:38-08:00 tag:www.tdsle.com,2008:/blog/marksu//2.750 2008-06-12T12:46:38Z 強勁的海風, 吹著竹苗(新竹, 苗栗)的風力發電風車. 它們默默的付出, 日復一日的旋轉著. 偶爾也會有無風的時候, 它們依然不為所動的等著下一陣風.... touchfish 閉目沉思 強勁的海風, 吹著竹苗(新竹, 苗栗)的風力發電風車.
它們默默的付出, 日復一日的旋轉著.

偶爾也會有無風的時候,
它們依然不為所動的等著下一陣風.

]]> 在新竹園區工作, 像風車,
在漫長的工作時數之餘, 隨便將生活雜事排一排, 行程就滿了.
生活乍視之下很充實, 但是卻讓人覺得空虛.

與其稱新竹為風城, 我更喜歡稱她為空城.
平日充滿了園區上班族與清交大的學生,
一到了假日便回到其他縣市的老家, 或是到隔壁縣市拜訪親友,
整個新竹市東區便空蕩蕩的.

或許是因為我一直把這個地方當作是暫時的住所,
但在與這個城市共楚了一年之後,
我只覺得孤獨.

最近越工作越覺得迷迷茫茫,
分心做不相干的事的時間越來越長.
難道我的鬥志連一年都不到就被磨掉了!?
或許吧, 不過至少我還有罪惡感繼續鞭策我前進~

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