I lack faith.
And by faith, I do not mean the religions and the trust in god(s).
No, despite I'm almost atheist,
I reserve that there might be a chance that a higher power above us might exist.
In fact, I have reserved spaces in my mind for almost all situations and possibilities of the unkown that I can think of,
and I'm mentally prepared that there might be things that I didn't think of.
When I said I lack faith, I meant I lack a believe in a type of constant for the unknown future.
The type of believe that's more about the heart than the brain.
I fear to be unprepared, and to be caught surpsied.
So I mentally prepare myself to face any type of possibilities.
In this process, though I can guess the probability of what may occur,
I lack the believe that something will definitely happen.
I don't believe the sky will garanteed to always be blue.
I don't believe there will definitely be this one day, that I'll find a girl and share my life with her.
I don't believe that I will for sure perform better in the next interview when compare with my previous one.
When I look for jobs, I do not think to myself, "hey, the next one will be it, oh and it's gonna be agood one!",
because I know that the overwhelming odds this will most likely not to happen.
I can be calculative, and/or I can be intellegent, but somehow thru the process of growing up,
I've lost the believe that something good and constant will definitely happen.
With that, my mind thrived, but my heart withered.
With that, I've lost my beacon of light to show me the way,
and now I walk in the dark and not sure where I am.
And that my dear interviewer is my current weakness.
I lack faith; hence, i am missing a dream or a purpose; therefore, I do not have a goal, even the short term ones,
because I do not know which direction I'm facing right now, and where the paths may be leading me toward.