早上八點半的考試,
早上五點半
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看了midterm之後所有的slide,
except review ones.
滿機車的,
stop adding jargons onto trivial concepts,
damn it.
know the damn concepts but can't recognize all those stupid jargons.
下午三點半的考試,
早上十點四十的時候
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阿... prefer share 怎樣都不 make sense,
ratio 還沒記到可以 recognize,
final fail 就 fail 瞭...
對午餐有種渴望感,
想吃拉麵, 又沒時間...
提早開車出門去吃午飯吧,
可是, 還是沒拉麵..
房間好冷阿,
我要吃湯麵(反正不可能去downtown吃拉麵).
不開車了,
去one-more sushi 吃Udon吧..
至於機車的accounting,
邊吃邊看吧..
I really need somebody to answer my questions @@
should have went to office hour.
早上八點半的考試,
早上四點二十三看完所有的slides.
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只看過一次有可能記得起來嗎??
(midterm前的東西兩次)
可是.. 對slides有種厭噁感..
所以, game 跟電視是必要的,
暫時轉移注意力,
看兩個小時後還記得多少....
兩個小時後就算看了第二次..
嗯... 還是有會死掉的機會..
I wonder~
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已經十幾個final 是這樣唸了吧@@
416 的abbriviation 真多..
自我中心是一種肯恐怖的認知,
一旦認定了,
每當自私的時刻的來臨時,
就會不斷的以此為藉口來逃避.
其他種被定型的人格何嘗不是如此?
很久沒有反省了,
這篇Entry的由來是從遊玩, 回憶, 關心, 到反省.
最近四處逛別人的blog
似乎都是為了看些有趣的東西而行動,
對於那些所謂別人對別人"別擔心" 的回應,
根本一點都不在意. (因為我是自私的?)
依照數大就是美的理論, (對某些人似乎是樹大就是美)
當東西一多,
它們所造成的的影響力也會相對的增加.
我已成為那個無心無情無血無淚的惡魔了嗎?
(of course, technically, i still have heart, still ahve feeling,
still thirst for blood, and still can control my tear gland to a fair degree )
過去的我對人還是有關心的吧?
發生了什麼是呢?
最近似乎有對人越來越刻薄的現象,
不熟的人對我有所恐懼?
熟的人雖然知道我如果不說"seriously"就幾乎都是開玩笑,
不過依照剛剛的數大就是美的理論,
刻薄多了還是會有反感的吧.
什麼時候在意別人的想法了呢?
最近不是已經把對別人跟自己的關心,
降到只剩下直覺了嗎?
或許是懷念一種我還不能理解的感覺吧.
說真的, 我並不喜歡被別人往上看的感覺(ie. look up to),
才大他們幾歲, position高了一點點我就懂的多嗎?
我是個不會照顧人的人, 也不太會口頭上的稱讚別人.
從小就是么子, 對一群弟弟妹妹們的我是不能適應的.
我可以以平等的狀態跟他們打成一片,
可是對他們的瘋, 我卻有一定程度的不解.
狂放, 直接, 逼迫的眼神, 這些特徵,
不過是活的最輕鬆的直覺,
而覆蓋了我本有的個性.
已經習慣了再面具上再加一層層的面具.
今天並不是自我貶低,
也不是追求改變,
只是學習的對現狀有著第三者畫面的認知罷了.
我向來討厭人們用自我的stereotype來拘束自己的行為,
例如自認路痴的人,
卻拼命的用著路痴來當藉口來避免碰一下地圖的嘗試.
我懂這樣子比較簡單,
而且讓人避免活得人生滿是挫折,
但總覺得這樣只是逃避.
自己何嘗不是如此?
可是, 自我必須要認知的是,
並不是永遠都有人在幫著你,
有些東西, 就算不喜歡, 至少要會,
就算現在有人幫你做,
也不可能是永遠.
路痴的人不用自己開車嗎?
討厭跑PR的人不用自己去找工作, 面對面談嗎?
討厭IT的人不用用電腦嗎?
被爸媽養的人, 以後不用自己養自己嗎?
沒有點能力的話,
不是每個人隨時隨地都有時間來救你的,
等待別人來救的時間,
即是浪費自己的身命.
不代表不要向別人求助,
畢竟專家跟業餘還是有所差別?
到這裡, 我只希望,
在自我定型的過程中,
那些那些機車的抱怨, 那些刻薄的話,
跟我沒有那麼熟的人知道那絕大部分都是開玩笑,
跟我熟的人知道開玩笑即是說了一千遍,
對我來說那還是只是個玩笑.
就如, 加入csss, sus,
雖然我常說很煩是phoebe的錯,
但事實上她也只是個讓我看到門在哪裡的 tour guide,
走進地獄的最終還是自己.
"Free will is a pain in the ass, but this is the way it is." - paraphrase from devil's advocate.
i think in the future i might thank her for this,
despite this pain in the ass 現在讓我身心具狽 (錯字!?)
I believe pheobe understand all these,
since she stood by me and be as a loyal friend till now.
I hope the same for others.
Know that I am thankful for all the assitants from ppl,
despite i might be able to pull through without help,
having it is always welcome.
還在考慮我對我自己人格所訂的大方向是否有錯誤?
不過, 就算有, 很有可能也不是想該就可以改的,
不然著世界上還會有被討厭的人嗎?
btw, pressure of duty during public is quite a lousy feeling,
reminder to self and others not to do it.
偷懶的結果就是...
好多留言要回 @@
更重要的是我要花時間去回想
第一次看到留言所想到的回應是什麼.
等氣銷還是有報應的.
以下是回覆kuki小姐的tag (除了rule B 以外)
遊戲規則：
被點名的朋友需在自己的Blog裡公開8個理想伴侶的條件，
同時加上說明。
A. 理想伴侶是男或是女？
女
B. 必須點名8個人，用盡所方辦法通知各人被點名參與這
個遊戲。
IGNORED <-- don't like it? what you gonna do about it?
C. 被點名的人不可重覆被點，每個人只可玩一次。
8個理想伴侶的條件:
In no particular importance order;
however, start with look just for fun,
(so ppl can call me shallow from time to time).
1. 外表: 至少漂亮(at least fair),
don't have to be pretty pretty, extremely beautiful and elegant,
but at least has to be "not ugly nor horrifying" with or without makeup.
"not ugly nor horrifying" in figure as well.
Note the "not" and "or" and "demorgan's rule" meaning(=) both not first item and not second item.
2. 不讓我覺得煩, 吵, 機車, 心裡覺得不平衡
the first 3 usually won't happen if i like the person already,
unless just so happen i'm in a bad mood.
心裡覺得不平衡 might happen even if i like the person,
but jealousy.. is a sin that is hard to avoid.
3. 懂得察言觀色, 最好的情況是能直接懂我的情緒 (心靈相通!?)
think everybody want this quality on the other half?
beside, i look angry when i don't move any facial muscle,
most people are scare of it.
without it, well.. tough luck, this is more for her than for me.
4. 一些共通幽默感
a person without a sense of humour just won't do,
but a person with a sense of humour but not in the same sense as i am is even worse.
跟別人說說笑笑, 對我--"死魚臉" or "smile out of politeness"
5. 尊敬長輩
think this is broder and include 孝順.
and 尊敬長輩 in my dictionary does not mean polite like a robot is design to,
but more like won't offend them.
of course, sometimes you have to, 有時候他們死腦筋,
good thing that never happen to my dad, he's too damn smart... damn it.
(however to this day i still wonder why he can't use a computer properly!? 心疼他的錢?)
but 尊敬長輩 that looks fake won't do either, even if it comes from heart.
It looks fake for god's sake.
6. 不要當包袱
One person, me, being lazy is lazy enough.
although.. you never know, it might be funny to have two lazy people hanging out.
包袱 also include financial burden.
However, being a household person count as a job.
(ie. pregnant, giving birth, taking care children...etc.)
these thing does not count toward financial burden,
although technically they are.
the burden thing is not that big of a deal as long as she don't come to me in debt, and bring in constant unnecessary debt (ie. gambling, smoking?@@ )
7. 相同的價值觀
Everyone want this.
We, who move around in different countries, especially.
why? cauz we realize how disasterous culture impact can be.
and that's caused by difference in values.
8. 必要的時候會講道理
又不是三歲小孩, 沒道理硬ㄠ..
but.. 一天到晚想辦法來break my logic的人也很煩,
人腦又不是電腦, 可以被亂hack,
sorry, access deny!!
9. 不對我說謊
i know the temptation of lying,
i enjoy lying, but this is a must.
i'll get "PISSED OFF" if my other half lie to me.
even 善意的謊言,
that only decrease the level of "PISSED OFF'ness",
does not erase it.
cauz that means I'm not trusted that i can handle the truth.
However, that being said,
little lies here and there that last a short period of time for the purpose of amusing is ok.
cauz i know an fully enjoy the 謊言的樂趣.
why do you think 放羊的小孩 did it?
opse.. i got 9 well..
we all know that the 包袱thing only count as half@@,
i'm sure there's couple more 模擬兩可's answer,
so given that we find 0.1 to take off (ie. the tiny amusing lie)..
we get 8.4 in total then.
四捨五入... we now get 8
(自我定律, don't argue with me!!
"good day~ "
'umm.. but..'
"i said good day~")
detail enough for you phoebe? 要幫我相親嗎? *lol~
just so you know i spend an hour doing this @@
kinda pointless,
given that person i ended up with is most likely not have all these.
very disappointing future indeed.. *lol